Doing the loop-dee-loop on the roller coaster

This week has drained me completely! We had been speaking with one birth mom for a while pretty seriously. We had built a good relationship just from the emails we had shared together. We didn't know what direction she was going to go with her decision and she had told us she was trying to decide on the right family. Yesterday we got an email saying she decided on another family. It felt like a really bad breakup where your heart just aches! It left me feeling so emotionally tired that I just wanted to hide in my bed for a while. After I had my moment(seems like I'm having a lot of those lately) I pulled myself together and reminded myself of my own words to this girl. Heavenly Father is in complete control of all this stuff! We knew from the start that this girl was going about the whole thing the right way with lots of praying and soul searching for the answer she needed. She wanted to make sure this baby went to the right family. Lance and I both know that her decision which ever way it went would be the right one. Although it hurt we also find peace knowing it wasn't the right one. And once again, That's O.K.

On the other hand we have other people that have shown interest in us so we will continue to go 80 MPH on this joyous ride!

Another Year in Cache Valley

So it turns out I (Lance) didn't get into medical school this year, so I guess I'll hang around here for another year and go caving some more.
Bye

Realizing that some experiences come differently........ And that's ok

Today I had a moment. I sat down and watched a documentary called, The Business of Being Born. It is about the different ways women have their children focusing mostly on hospital births compared to at home births using a nurse midwife. At first as I watched it I just thought that this stuff was really fascinating and interesting, the whole at home birth thing. Then it got me in one of those moods that I hadn't really experienced as an infertile messed up woman. Most women in my shoes go through grieving and not understanding process of not having their own flesh and blood. I haven't. This is the way it was and I didn't know any different, and I was o.k. with that.But as I watched this film and seeing the amazing experiences these women are having as they are bringing life in to this world, hit me. Hard. I realized this had been taken from me and I would never know what that felt like, to have this thing grow inside of you and then give it life and have that connection.Heck I would never know what it felt like to push 8 lbs. out of a small space! I felt cheated, but only for a minute. Heavenly Father quickly helped me realize the process I was in and how special it is, and how there are others that don't get to have this amazing experience I get to. This adoption process is incredible and it is amazing to be able to see the hand of Lord working every step of it. The whole process even the crumby parts are just as special if not more(I'm biased sorry people) special then having my own. Yeah you always wonder, what would our kids look like but now when I ask that question to myself I answer with, duh you silly they will be brown, black, blue, green, purple, and white! And that is way more fun then anything I could produce!As this process goes on and we get closer to having a child of our own, a child that is ours I can't help but think how lucky and blessed Lance and I are to have this experience and not just once but multiple times. I can't think of a better way of having a family, and I'm more then OK with that!