Today I had a moment. I sat down and watched a documentary called, The Business of Being Born. It is about the different ways women have their children focusing mostly on hospital births compared to at home births using a nurse midwife. At first as I watched it I just thought that this stuff was really fascinating and interesting, the whole at home birth thing. Then it got me in one of those moods that I hadn't really experienced as an infertile messed up woman. Most women in my shoes go through grieving and not understanding process of not having their own flesh and blood. I haven't. This is the way it was and I didn't know any different, and I was o.k. with that.But as I watched this film and seeing the amazing experiences these women are having as they are bringing life in to this world, hit me. Hard. I realized this had been taken from me and I would never know what that felt like, to have this thing grow inside of you and then give it life and have that connection.Heck I would never know what it felt like to push 8 lbs. out of a small space! I felt cheated, but only for a minute. Heavenly Father quickly helped me realize the process I was in and how special it is, and how there are others that don't get to have this amazing experience I get to. This adoption process is incredible and it is amazing to be able to see the hand of Lord working every step of it. The whole process even the crumby parts are just as special if not more(I'm biased sorry people) special then having my own. Yeah you always wonder, what would our kids look like but now when I ask that question to myself I answer with, duh you silly they will be brown, black, blue, green, purple, and white! And that is way more fun then anything I could produce!As this process goes on and we get closer to having a child of our own, a child that is ours I can't help but think how lucky and blessed Lance and I are to have this experience and not just once but multiple times. I can't think of a better way of having a family, and I'm more then OK with that!
