Doing the loop-dee-loop on the roller coaster

This week has drained me completely! We had been speaking with one birth mom for a while pretty seriously. We had built a good relationship just from the emails we had shared together. We didn't know what direction she was going to go with her decision and she had told us she was trying to decide on the right family. Yesterday we got an email saying she decided on another family. It felt like a really bad breakup where your heart just aches! It left me feeling so emotionally tired that I just wanted to hide in my bed for a while. After I had my moment(seems like I'm having a lot of those lately) I pulled myself together and reminded myself of my own words to this girl. Heavenly Father is in complete control of all this stuff! We knew from the start that this girl was going about the whole thing the right way with lots of praying and soul searching for the answer she needed. She wanted to make sure this baby went to the right family. Lance and I both know that her decision which ever way it went would be the right one. Although it hurt we also find peace knowing it wasn't the right one. And once again, That's O.K.

On the other hand we have other people that have shown interest in us so we will continue to go 80 MPH on this joyous ride!

Another Year in Cache Valley

So it turns out I (Lance) didn't get into medical school this year, so I guess I'll hang around here for another year and go caving some more.
Bye

Realizing that some experiences come differently........ And that's ok

Today I had a moment. I sat down and watched a documentary called, The Business of Being Born. It is about the different ways women have their children focusing mostly on hospital births compared to at home births using a nurse midwife. At first as I watched it I just thought that this stuff was really fascinating and interesting, the whole at home birth thing. Then it got me in one of those moods that I hadn't really experienced as an infertile messed up woman. Most women in my shoes go through grieving and not understanding process of not having their own flesh and blood. I haven't. This is the way it was and I didn't know any different, and I was o.k. with that.But as I watched this film and seeing the amazing experiences these women are having as they are bringing life in to this world, hit me. Hard. I realized this had been taken from me and I would never know what that felt like, to have this thing grow inside of you and then give it life and have that connection.Heck I would never know what it felt like to push 8 lbs. out of a small space! I felt cheated, but only for a minute. Heavenly Father quickly helped me realize the process I was in and how special it is, and how there are others that don't get to have this amazing experience I get to. This adoption process is incredible and it is amazing to be able to see the hand of Lord working every step of it. The whole process even the crumby parts are just as special if not more(I'm biased sorry people) special then having my own. Yeah you always wonder, what would our kids look like but now when I ask that question to myself I answer with, duh you silly they will be brown, black, blue, green, purple, and white! And that is way more fun then anything I could produce!As this process goes on and we get closer to having a child of our own, a child that is ours I can't help but think how lucky and blessed Lance and I are to have this experience and not just once but multiple times. I can't think of a better way of having a family, and I'm more then OK with that!

Just call me Martha

Since getting our Adoption stuff finished that's all I can think about! So I have taken it upon myself to get crafty, to get my mind off things and have something else to focus on. My dear sweet sister in-law Karen and I took a trip to Sugar-N-Spice and that got my creative juices flowing. My first project was my living room wall that was quite boring for a long time. We got some new pictures taken and I got these great frames and did my own little thing. I still need to add some little nicky nacky things to the photo's though. I then found a cute rub on quote and I still said hmmmmmm this is quite dull. Then I had the idea of adding these cute little chip board doohicky things. I distressed them and then stuck them on the wall. I think I will call it my scrapbook wall.


I'm very proud of this next project. While at Sugar-N-Spice they had these really cute wreath that they wanted $40 for. I figured I could make my own, have it lots cheaper and customize it to the colors I wanted. This is what got plopped together for about $12! I think I want to make one for my outside door now. I have to give props to Lances fabulous picture he took right next to it that helped inspire it.


There you have it! Me and a friend are going to start craft nights where we can work on fun projects and the boys can go caving and do man things! It's nice to be able to have a creative outlet to help occupy me during this time of waiting!

A Flood of Emotion

This morning I was fast asleep when I was awoken by a giddy little school girl named Lance. He said a birth mom had emailed us with a question. At first I'm like huh whats going on im still asleep!? Then it sunk in and I'm like oh what do we do!? It's interesting the emotions that start going through you even though its only been 2 days. The fact is that this email could go know where and there will be many more of them to come of girls that are just interested in learning a bit more. But you still can't help to think what if something can come of this or what is this girl like? What's her name? What does she look like? Why we looked appealing to her in the first place. She most likely sent the same email to 4 or 5 other prospective parents, who knows? The point is that it's crazy the thoughts and feelings that come over you. You hear about this journey your put on and the emotions that happen but it doesn't hit till you start experiencing it. I know it's going to be a tough ride and it wont be short but a very good one indeed!