Mason at Bathtime

Now Back to Mason

We have made it 7 weeks now! The little man is getting so big. Here are some pictures of the last little bit.

This is what happens without fail every time we take him out of the bath

Something that's not baby Mason

This picture was taken in Main Drain, the deepest cave in Utah (1200 ft deep, 9th deepest cave in the U.S.) The cave takes about twelve hours to get to the bottom and back. I took this picture about a quarter of the way through the cave and the formations featured are known as cave pearls. As the name suggests, these pearls are quite similar in composition as those found in marine oysters. Calcite deposits onto a small grain of sand that is polished by the water currents over thousands of years. Theses ones are about 1/2 inch in diameter, which is fairly large as far as pearls are concerned although the largest cave pearls in the world are close to 6" in diameter!

First Two Weeks

It was Friday the 13th, our first day home. The drive home from West Valley to Logan was one of the hardest drives of my life. Lance and I both would just randomly burst out in tears just thinking about what just happened. Lances Mom had called us on the way home, he just had to say sorry I can't talk right now. It was still so fresh and so emotional. We definitely needed that hour and a half drive home to process what we had just done. As we went the rounds to each Grandparents home I did everything I could to keep myself together. It was not easy! I mean come on I was supposed to be happy! It was just to painful. We were still in a twilight zone and seemed as if we were just going through the motions.
Our caseworker had mentioned briefly about P.A.D. Postpartum Adoption Depression. When they mentioned it to me I thought oh OK I think I will be fine. Boy was I wrong. All I felt were sadness and guilt for taking this sweet baby from our Brittany. She had been through so much in her life and here I was taking something good, a little miracle from her, and watching her grieve was more then I could bare. It was hard to remember with those emotions going through you that this was supposed to happen. She chose to do this and give this child something more. A stable family. That's the last thing you have on your mind when your grieving for Brittany. Lance was so amazing in all this he stepped into the role of Father so easily and I could not of asked for him to do more or better. He could see how much I struggled and would send me away for a minute to either call someone or just have a moment by myself to let it all out.
One of my biggest pet-peeves is when you have people telling you, oat least you got to do it the easy way and don't have to go through the hormone and physical pain! I just want to scream when I hear that come out of peoples mouths. This process hurt so bad that I said to myself I can't do this again. It's to painful. I was serious about that too. I thought I'm OK with just having Mason, I don't want to put someone else or myself through these feelings again. I told Lance those thoughts and he thought I was crazy for thinking that, which yeah I was now that I can see clearly. How could I ever think that with this amazingly beautiful little man that would call me Mom. How could I never want another one. Though this experience was painfully hard I wouldn't trade it for anything and I'm excited to start the process again when the time is right.
Enough of my crazy roller coaster, now to the little man. He's amazing and wonderful! We couldn't ask for a better baby. He is so mellow and content with things. He loves being wrapped up in a little ball and being snuggled till he's about to pop! He also LOVES bath time! He is definitely a water baby, which Lance and I are excited about. We think it's a great excuse for Grandma and Grandpa to get a hot tub.
We went to his two week check up and he has gone from 6 pounds 5 ounces and 19 1/2 inches long to 7 pounds 4 ounces and 21 inches long. I think it's Laura's milk that's making this kid grow like he's on steroids! Thanks again for that Laura, he loves it! Also Squiggles may have some competition. This boy can squirm! He seems to somehow have some Dickey blood in him.
From the time we left the hospital he has been so alert and strong, I forget he's only 2 1/2 weeks old cause he seems so much more older in his development. He has been holding his neck and head up since before we left the hospital. One funny thing about his features is that he has the hugest big toe ever! With a grip like a boa constrictor! His hands are also very large. When my sister Courtney saw a picture of him for the first time she said, holy cow he has man hands! His hair when wet is curly and is starting to come in very pretty golden blonde. I can not control his mane. He even has a cute little rat-tail on the back.
Everywhere we go we have people commenting, wow he looks just like you guys! We find it quite funny and amusing. It will be fun to see how his looks change as he gets older.

And that's the first 2 weeks! So far we have survived as well as Baby Mason, Thank goodness! We have had so much help and support from friends and family.Wether it's my sister or sister inlaw coming over to watch him while I clean or nap or my mom staying up at all hours with me. My mom is the greatest and spent more then a week with us at night to help us get use to this little man and deal with the changes. Lance was working from 2 am to 4pm so I was the loan ranger. My mom saved me! Thanks Momma!
And so this crazy journey continues!

Sometimes The Hardest Things And The Right Things Are The Same

I'm finally able to sit down and write about the day that broke my heart in two but also made it whole. I have had so many emotions going through me the last week that it has been hard to put anything into words. But here we go!
It was Friday the 13th, what a coincidence. I had showered about 8:30 and we got a phone call about 8:40 saying, " Can you be here in 20 minutes for placement?" I thought oh crap my hair is sopping wet and I have no makeup on, yep OK be there in 20 minutes! I was so frazled that I dont remember much up to the point that we got to the hospital. We got there and waited in the lobby with the caseworker. Brittany was in signing her papers for relinquishment. It struck me hard at that moment realizing what she was doing. She was giving up the one thing that was her. As we waited, we too signed our paperwork to take this child as ours. After she had a minute regain composure it was our turn to go in and see the family.


We walked in and the room was somber and sacred. I immediately went to the bed and embraced her. We both just sobbed together. My heart was breaking for her knowing the pain she was feeling. As soon as I would get myself together I would embrace her and start sobbing all over again. Were talking Crocodile tears!

One of the gifts we gave Brittany was a book called, The Kissing Hand. It's about doing hard things when you don't want to but know it's the right thing to do. In the book the momma racoon gives her son a kiss on his hand to take with him when he went to school. He was to put the hand next to his cheek whenever he felt lonely and wanted his mom, to remind him that she loved him. We had Brittany and Mason do the same. It was so tender when Brittany put her hand to his lips he started sucking on the palm of her hand.
There was a lot of peace in that room, so tangible. I wish I would have been able to concentrate more on that then the heartache I was feeling. After spending time together with Brittany and her Grandparents it was time to say our goodbye's. Brittany lovingly placed Baby Mason in my arms to symbolize us taking this sweet baby into our lives. It was a hard moment, but amazing.

We bawled some more........

Brittany was so strong through all of this. She truly is a remarkable young woman who I look up to so much. I could never Sacrifice the things that she has. Her strength gives me the strength to give this child everything and more she could ever want for him. All we could do was hold her tight and tell her Thank You. Where do you even start trying tell the mother of your child, Thanks.

We LOVE You Brittany! Thanks for blessing our family with something we could never give ourselves....... A FAMILY